Monday, October 19, 2009

17th Annual Walk to Remember in Mesa, AZ on October 17, 2009

17th Annual Walk to Remember in Mesa, AZ on October 17, 2009

Friday, October 9, 2009

Does time really heal all wounds?

I beg to differ. It's almost been 2 years. And I remember it all like yesterday. But I guess, like everything in life, I need to find some sort of lesson in all of this...let me think.

I only have one. LAUGH. Have a sense of humor. How many other people can say that in 1 year. ONE YEAR, that they went from getting married, to being a semester away from graduating college, to getting pregnant, to having your mother being diagnosed with cancer, to finding out your baby died, to your mom dying and your life changed forever. Not many. At least not many that I know. So I'm going to consider myself an expert right now. In coping, depression, stress, marriage, and comedy.

I always loved Adam. I think since high school, I knew we'd be together forever. I didn't know why....but then 2007 happened. As I'm writing this now, I'm remembering my mom back about 2 years ago right before she died saying, "2007 was a bad year...2008 will be better." But I have to really give it to Adam. He stuck by me throughout everything. What a hero. I couldn't have made it without him.

With that being said...back to me being an expert. I don't think you really know if you and someone else are going to "make it" as a couple unless you go though a tough time like we did. And how did we do it? HUMOR. No joke. Even in my darkest time, with my greatest sadness, we had to find a way to laugh.

The week my mom was in the ICU and Aryn had just been delivered, I was on the phone with our musician from the church arranging songs for Aryn's funeral. This man was the same man who did not only my wedding, but my brother's as well. His name happened to be Aaron. After I got off the phone with him I turned to Adam and said, "Aaron is going to do the music for the funeral." Without missing a beat, Adam replied, "Well that's a trick..." And I laughed with my husband.

The day my mom died and we all met back at my parent's house, we all got in a little argument about something. I, finally fed up, yelled,"This isn't even supposed to be happening! Mom's supposed to walk in that door and say, 'Just Kidding!'" We all laughed.

My sister dropped her cell phone in the toilet and had to use my mother's old cell phone to make calls. No one thought this was important to tell me, and when she called my cell and it said, "Mom Calling"...needless to say, my heart skipped a beat. I very quietly and calm answered the phone and said, "...hello???" and it was Rebecca chatting about something...man did I have a good laugh with her about that.

My first Mother's Day without my mom or baby I was explaining to someone how I brought Aryn (he's in an urn) to my mother's grave. They asked how that went, and to which I replied, "Fantastic, we even went to the park and pushed him on the swing!" They were a little confused...and I couldn't stop laughing.

Laughter is what helps heal wounds. Does it still hurt today? OF COURSE! There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my mom or Aryn. As my friend, Megan, said, you look at your parents as your super hero. That nothing can bring them down. That they can defeat anything. It's just so shocking to see that they really are only human. But allowing myself, my husband, and my family to laugh during our darkest times gave us control again. We went through a month of doctors and statistics and whoever telling us what's happening, what will happen. What they can't tell you is how you'll cope...how you'll react. I chose humor because my husband and I stayed close that way. I chose it because it was my choice. And God might have taken my baby and my mom, but he could not take my sense of humor. Quick side note...I was never mad at God. I actually strengthened my faith during this time.

It's OK to be depressed. It's OK to ask for help. I used medicine and family to help me for a while until I felt strong enough to get off them. I had to take a look at my life and reevaluate it. At the time, school was not a priority. Now, 2 years later, I'm determined to finish. I came out of this, Adam and I came out of this stronger than ever. And because of humor...I can conquer ANYTHING. Bring it.